PPD

I am so blessed by all that I have; my kids, my family, and all of our health. I am very much looking forward to this year. It is weird; last year was so hard for me. It was a accumulation of several things. My sister, N, moved back to California after graduating college, so all of my family was in the same area again, except for me (and my sister, T, but she never lived by us – she's a Florida girl). L had to have two corrective surgeries for his urethra. I lost my grandma and couldn't go down and be a part there for her service. I continued to go to school through my delivery of the baby with no breaks, and then things kind of felt like they were falling apart. When I should have been feelings so blessed to have my beautiful babies, to be able to continue my education and the fact that Jeff and I were getting along great – I didn't feel that way. I felt (as I can even see in my blogs) run down, overwhelmed, hopeless, anxious, irritated and angry. One day when I went to MOPS I heard someone say that they felt that way. While other women in the MOPS group gasped at her honesty (the things she was saying weren't pleasant) I felt like she could have been reading a page from my life. She said she had post-partum depression. I felt relieved to know what was wrong with me and that I was not this horrible mom and wife, like I felt like I had been. If you have known me for any amount of time you know that I usually a very happy and goofy person and I just hadn't been myself. So after lots of debating with myself on whether or not it would make me a "bad" Christian, I decided to go to the doctor. I was diagnosed with severe post-partum and put on Zoloft. After a week of taking the medicine there was a definite change. I was able to feel happy and not irritated or frustrated.

I look forward to this New Year. I am hopeful and grateful for all that I have. I am writing this blog just in case someone else has felt this way. I thought that PPD was crying all the time or wanting to kill myself or my kids, but it's not just sad, it's much more than that. I struggled with taking the medicine; I don't even take pain killers so I was nervous. But my dad said that it's like a diabetic needing insulin, just like them, having 3 babies in 3 ½ years made me have a chemical imbalance. I have to tell you I am so thankful for the medication. I did not take it while I was on vacation and there was a definite change in me. So now I am back on it, I just have to remember that it is not something to stop taking because I feel better, that just means it is doing its job.