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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Exhausted





Ever since Marcus' got here I have wanted nothing more than to go to bed for an entire weekend and sleep. My days are so hectic and there is not a minute for myself or to spend alone with Jeff. Landon and Jay still have to be watched at bed time, so that doesn't give Jeff or I the option of alone time until after 9pm and once Marcus' colic got better he started teething. So he is still up all the time, not really settling in for a full night's sleep until after midnight. On top of those little monkeys Jeff and I are still going to school full-time. So if we are even up with just Marcus one of us is doing homework and if Marcus is sleeping we both are. I spent all of this last Sunday in the library writing papers rather than hanging out with my family. Anyway, all of this is to say that I have let my walk with God slip. I have no time for anything and unfortunately I told myself that I was too busy to read my bible because there is a constant laundry list of things to do. I practically fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow so my prayer life has suffered also. Because of my lack of time with God, I have felt too guilty to come back to Him and get back on track. All of my "busyness" has left me drained and empty with little to show for it. I am not doing anything well. I am behind in cleaning, homework, and severely lacking patience. I have known that I need to bring the Lord back into the picture but I have been bitter and grumpy. Yesterday I came across some verses that gave me hope and wanted to share:

"My wayward children," says the Lord, "come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts." Jeremiah 3:22 NLT

When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and you stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Psalm 32:3-5 NLT

Create in me a new heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Psalm 41:10, 12

Crazy how God knows just how to speak to me even when I don't want to listen. :D