Exhausted

Ever since Marcus' got here I have wanted nothing more than to go to bed for an entire weekend and sleep. My days are so hectic and there is not a minute for myself or to spend alone with Jeff. Landon and Jay still have to be watched at bed time, so that doesn't give Jeff or I the option of alone time until after 9pm and once Marcus' colic got better he started teething. So he is still up all the time, not really settling in for a full night's sleep until after midnight. On top of those little monkeys Jeff and I are still going to school full-time. So if we are even up with just Marcus one of us is doing homework and if Marcus is sleeping we both are. I spent all of this last Sunday in the library writing papers rather than hanging out with my family. Anyway, all of this is to say that I have let my walk with God slip. I have no time for anything and unfortunately I told myself that I was too busy to read my bible because there is a constant laundry list of things to do. I practically fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow so my prayer life has suffered also. Because of my lack of time with God, I have felt too guilty to come back to Him and get back on track. All of my "busyness" has left me drained and empty with little to show for it. I am not doing anything well. I am behind in cleaning, homework, and severely lacking patience. I have known that I need to bring the Lord back into the picture but I have been bitter and grumpy. Yesterday I came across some verses that gave me hope and wanted to share:

"My wayward children," says the Lord, "come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts." Jeremiah 3:22 NLT

When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and you stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Psalm 32:3-5 NLT

Create in me a new heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Psalm 41:10, 12

Crazy how God knows just how to speak to me even when I don't want to listen. :D

Mom of Three

Well Baby M is already 16 days old! Time has gone by so fast. I am loving just about every minute of it. I am feeling completely back to normal, just tired all the time. Hubby had to go back to work Monday, so this was my first week on my own as a mother-of-three! I SURVIVED! Just kidding, it was so much easier than I expected. L and Jayleyn are acting out a lot but I'm sure it's just part of adjusting. They are still super loving and helpful with Baby M, they just have to learn to share my time with the baby too. Our first week home all together, before Hubby went back to work, was really fun. We spent a lot of time playing and "helping" the baby (I think they were bothering him a lot more than helping, but it made their little hearts happy). Baby M is not a good sleeper at all – unless he is in bed next to me. He hates his bassinet so this week we are transitioning J into her twin bed in L's room that way Baby M can move into his crib. The process is so FRUSTRATING. No one wants to sleep and no one listens at all. They giggle and get out of bed, which was cute the first night, but last night they did it until 11:30 – and Hubby and I were exhausted trying to scoop them up and get them back into bed over and over. Finally Hubby went and laid next to J to help her get to sleep and we were good – which is the same time Baby M woke up. So we have a definite issue with getting no sleep. Hubby is a huge help at bed time though and so I am grateful that I don't have to do it on my own.

I had a break from school this week, it was much needed. It was really difficult trying to complete my course and get all my assignments turned while still being exhausted from delivering a baby – BUT I DID IT. Hooray! But my next quarter starts on Monday already.. so I'm going to have to find a way to get in homework while I am trying to get two giggly kids to bed, and take care of a fussy baby. It should get easier with time as I get things under control. Anyway, just wanted to give a quick update on how things are going. Right now Hubby is trying to get L and Jay to bed and I can hear him having a hard time so I'm going to go relieve him.

Baby M Has Arrived

The Lord blessed us with the most beautiful and TERM baby! - And I just know it's because so many people were praying for us.

God's timing could not have been more perfect. My mom came into town on August 5th and had to leave on the 17th - but she was able to make it for the birth! Yay. On Tuesday I started having contractions every 2 - 3 minutes so I went to the hospital and was dilated to 3cm, but not in active labor (you have to be 4cm and regularly contracting). So they sent me home and told me that they thought I should eat and walk around and I would go into labor sometime in the night. Nothing happened. Then on Wednesday (Aug 15) the contractions started again along with a lot of back pain, so I went back to L&D. This time I was dilated to 4cm so they admitted me around 4:30 in the afternoon. My contractions slowed way down so they broke my water at 5:45. Baby M was born at 9:58pm and was perfect. I was able to go WITHOUT ANY MEDICATION OF ANY KIND! He weighed 7lbs12ozs (our biggest by far) and was 20". Hubby went home to get some sleep around 1 AM and relieve the sitter and my mom was able to stay at the hospital with me over night. Baby M and I were released yesterday afternoon and we all had our first night at home. It was just about as sleepless as I remembered. ;)

Landon and J are in love with Baby M. I thought that they would be jealous of my time, but they couldn't care less about me and just want to tend to his every coo. They are an amazing big brother and sister and my heart could not be any happier. Hubby has been able to take the next week off of work, so we are looking forward to having some family bonding time for awhile. We are blessed beyond words!

My Pregnancy & L's Prayer Needs

I just wanted to let people who were interested know what is going on with me. I am 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and I am a contraction machine. I went to the doctor and am already dilated to 1cm and starting to efface. Not such great news, but not completely uncommon for a mom on her third. Odds are I am going to have another 36/37 weeker. My contractions are pretty much stable throughout the day. We just need to get to 36 almost 37 weeks. So please pray for us.

Also, as some of you know L was born with a defect with his urethra. He has already had two surgeries to try and repair his problem and on Tues. July 10th he is having his 3rd and hopefully final surgery. The recovery from a surgery like this is very painful and confusing for him. So if you could please pray for him and for the doctor to be able to accomplish all that needs to be done.

The next few weeks will be very trying for us with the contractions, dilating and surgery. All prayers are much appreciated and needed. It takes L nearly 3 weeks to get back to his normal self. My poor boy. Love you all.. and thanks for praying and caring for us.

Right Heart

As I continued in my devotions this morning in Luke, I came across a verse that I loved so much I wanted to share it. There are so many of you that inspire me because you already possess this attribute of humility.

Luke 17:7-10
(Jesus Speaking)
7"Which of you, having a slave plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come immediately and sit down to eat'?8 But will he not say to him, 'Prepare something for me to eat, and properly clothe yourself and serve me while I eat and drink; and afterward you may eat and drink'? 9He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he? 10So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you , say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'"

What a humbling reminder of how as a believer in Christ I am to have an attitude of a humble servant. Sometimes it is easy for me to let my heart become prideful because I am "being so good". But really Romans 17:10a says, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh"; which means I am not living so to be good, but instead because it is commanded of me. I am not behaving for man's approval (including that of the church). As I try to live my life as Christ did, I hope others will take notice so that I may bring glory to God. And if someone should give me praise or recognition I should simply say the words of verse 10, why take credit for the work of God in my life? I want to - with a joyful heart - say, "I simply am doing what is commanded of me".

I'm No Good On My Own

Okay, so lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated. Can we say SELFISH!? I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant with baby number 3, going to school (on-line, but it is very time consuming), keeping my house clean, cooking, chasing kids (well how about I say playing with them and picking up after them), dealing with my hideous weight gain, feeling antisocial, and struggling with jealousy (because I feel so insecure) - needless to say I haven't been all that pleasant. I try to be patient, but patience run thin so quickly! I try to be a loving mom, but again patience run thin so quickly. I feel like I am constantly TRYING and most often FAILING. Does anyone else ever feel this way? So today I picked up my Bible for my devotion and the one thing that is always constant is that God meets me where I am every time!!

I opened to where I have been reading Luke Chapter 11. But God told me to back up a bit, so I started at Chapter 10 verse 38:

38Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word. 40But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." 41But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

I have read these verses about Martha and Mary 100 times, but today it just moved my soul. I am not ever going to accomplish anything on my own. EVER! I am not going to please the Lord with all of my DOING, if I am not BEING with Him. My motives have somehow gone from pleasing God to pleasing ME! How easy it is to do. Then at the beginning of Luke chapter 11.. God spoke to me again.

Luke 11 Instruction about Prayer 1It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples." 2And He said to them, "When you pray, say: 'Father, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. 3'Give us each day our daily bread. 4'And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.'" 5Then He said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves; 6for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; 7and from inside he answers and says, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' 8"I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. 9"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10"For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. 11"Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? 12"Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? 13"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

If I am spending my time and energy pleasing Jesus, He is going to give me the strength to accomplish the things that he has already ordained for me to get done that day. When I am truly seeking and listening to God, He places in me the desires of my heart, the things that I want to get done are not bad, but the attitude I have about it all needs realignment. When I seek Him first and am "doing" things for His glory after "being" with Him, I will be fulfilled. It’s so simple, but I mess it all up so often. Do you ever feel like God put the passages of the Bible together just for you? That's how I felt this morning and it was so refreshing.